No. 8 Moving On..
Like most of the rest of the people in the world who end up in intimate, exclusive relationships that don't work out, I hate breakups. I'm tired of filling the "EX" position. For some reason, no one has been able to achieve the lifetime title of Husband. The worst part about a relationship is the breakup process. You spend so much time opening up and being emotionally vulnerable to someone who could at any moment crush you. Trusting someone to be as genuine to you as you are to them is scary. Telling someone all of your fears, motivations, dreams and goals is not easy. Being able to go use the bathroom while your bae is in the shower takes courage, or snoring, or accidentally drooling on them. Getting super tipsy and doing and saying embarrassing things to your significant other is.... embarrassing. And for the women, lets not even talk about when mother nature visits at the most inopportune time when you're in his bed, sleep, at night and wake up to what feels like the end of life!!!!! Knowing everything about a person like when they are hiding being upset about something or how they talk with their hands. Knowing the difference between "that look" and "the look" (whatever that means lol). The annoying way they squeeze the toothpaste or leave the seat up but you don't care because it's them.
Why do we have to uncare about all those things that make us love someone so much? How will we ever "forget" them? What did we do before we met them? Why weren't we enough? Will we ever pick up the pieces? Did they ever really love us or care as much as they seemed like they did? What did we do wrong? These are all questions that we ask to try to understand why we had a breakup. Eventually we get over missing and loving someone. We get over being in love with that person. We don't daydream and smile about all the great things they did. We don't miss it anymore. We get over the betrayal, the guilt, the anger. We get over not seeing the toilet seat up. We finally get rid off all their belongings and we get over it!
But do we move on? Before we get into another relationship, do we pack up all that emotional baggage, trust issues and literally "move on" from that things that have damaged us or changed us. Most people don't. If you ever said "Men/Women aint shit.", you have not moved on. If you are talking about the things that you will never do again in a relationship, you have not moved on. If you have an emotional wall up, you have not moved on. The five stages of loss, 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance, are the steps we take to GET OVER a relationship. These are not the same as the steps we need to take to move on
Forgiveness is key. When you truly forgive someone or yourself for the wrong that has been done, then you can begin to move on.
Loving yourself is something else we need to do in order to correct the bitterness and insecurity you might feel. Especially if you are thinking of starting a new relationship. Take yourself on a date, get dressed up everyday, do your makeup, get your hair done, exercise...do things for you.
Having an optimistic outlook on your future relationships is required also. Don't enter a relationship anticipating it to end.
These are not easy things to do. I've had to do these things. I have to control my interactions with other people by not giving my exes that much power. Be determined to not have another ex. Don't compromise your self worth and standard of treatment for a relationship either. Compromise is key.
I wish everyone love and happiness and strong, successful relationships for the rest of your lives.