No. 11 Foundation

what I said....

Me: Why is he talking to me?  

Him: You're gorgeous. Where are you from? Is that your real eye color? Yea? Seriously? Let me check -_-  

Me: thinking: I'm going to kill my friend for bringing me over here.  

Him: Would you let me take you out after this?  

Me: No.  

Him: Well, did you drive here? Let me pay for your uber home, at least. 

Me: Absolutely not.  

I'm glad my friend wanted to go out with his friend, because if she didn't I would have never talked to him again.  

I had just gotten out of a relationship. I was just betrayed, lied to, cheated on and disrespected by a man and I was not interested in talking to another ever again. Well.....The plan was never again or buy a couple cats. It's tiring going through the trial and error of men and bullshit. 

In this instance though, I was saying no to this guy and I really wanted to say "Maybe, but first let me make sure you're GOOD before I say yes"  Fast forward, he's really good and all I do is say yes. 

This blog post is not about being easy and just dating everyone and saying yes even when we want to say no. It's not about my own love story. I'm not really sure what it's about just yet but it will be a good read.  

Maybe it's about it being ok with telling a guy that you want to make sure he's right before giving in to beginning to like him. Whether it takes an extra couple of hours of conversation or a few extra dates, take your time. It sets the mood and the pace for a new budding relationship and oddly, guys aren't used to it. 

I felt like I was emotionally missing something when I met him. So I took time to figure out what aspects of my life I wanted a potential partner to fulfill. Know what you want and be picky about it. Then, see if the guy can fit the job description. Doing this builds trust and it really helps you get to know someone. It helps remove insecurities and doubts because you really have taken the time to notice the small things that rushing would never let you see.  

I also was giving my ex control over my decisions. Remember my blog post about moving on? That also means relinquishing that emotional control we give our exes. Make decisions based on how we feel and not our experiences with other people. Learn from experience but not live by it. 

I used to say let's not rush. I used to say let's build a friendship. I used to say take it slow. Let's fast forward to now. Now I say yes. Now I say kiss me. Now I say what I want to do to him. Now I say I love him. Not I say I want him. Because we are taking our time and I trust him. Something that was missing from all my last relationships. 

As women, we almost never consider our own feelings when it comes to anything. We just go with the flow. Even if it doesn't make Us truly happy. Dating and relationships is as much about us as it is men, so we need to act like it. 

It wasn't easy getting to this point. Everything about him on the outside said to not deal with him. From his strained, drawn out relationship with his ex to his job that requires him to be around beautiful and attractive women ALL the time. How do I completely trust someone like that? But that doesn't make him who he is. We need to focus on what really makes a man who he is. He will show you who he is through his actions and how he reacts to you and treats you. Believe in those things not the superficial outside things. 

I don't have all the answers to building a relationship or relationships, period. But as I learn and speak to other women about their experiences, I love to share with you guys how it can work. 

 

 

Erika KingComment