No. 9 Cold Hard Love

I think I am going to be single for a long time or all time. If that were not a forced option, I would be okay with that. The fact that my generation has severely devalued the sanctity of relationships and marriage is discouraging and disheartening. What's left for me to choose from?  I feel like I'm going to have to pick someone with the amount of bullshit I'm willing to put up with. How scary is that? Feeling like you have to fall in love with someone who will do you wrong, because essentially everyone will do you wrong?

Its not a good thing if you want an exclusive, monogamous relationship. Getting a title is forced and impossible. Telling someone you're feelings is a no-no. Washing clothes, cooking dinner, cleaning, or even buying something for the person you're interested in is a "stupid" thing to do. I'm tired of being made to feel bad or dumb because I want to do these things. I don't want to be "savage" or petty. It's like savagery is the new expression of love. Shitting on people's feelings, having a side piece, using men for money and perks, sleeping around, being a bad person is more attractive than being nice. People will be in love with someone and still treat them mean because that's the cool thing to do now. Why?  Who made these rules?

I think I was born in the wrong era. Maybe I should have been born 20 years earlier.

I don't want anymore exes. No more people that I don't like. No more special memories with the wrong people. No more wasted energy. No more bad experiences. No more people to avoid or broken friendships.

I also sit and think about how I'm not bitter from all the emotional damage that's been inflicted on me. No, I'm not perfect. I've done my share of damage too. But by now, I really should have given up. Why is hope still alive? Lol.  But I can't. I can't give up on love because everyone else has. At the end of the day, falling in love is about me. Me picking the person I want, with the habits I can deal with, who looks the way I like, smells the way I like, treats me the way I like, talks the way I like, who possesses qualities that I find attractive. All my choices. We don't always make the right decision the first time, the second time or the third time. We learn from each of those choices. Love is the new love or the same old love it's always been. It doesn't have to riddled with crazy exes and baby mamas. It doesn't have to feel risky. It's ok to just feel... good.

Still, after all my positivity and optimism, I still feel like my feelings won't be reciprocated or appreciated fully. I don't think that people care about not succumbing to temptation and being loyal. It doesn't surprise me anymore when things don't work out. It's almost expected. How do I fix this? 

I think the answer is to fall in love with yourself first and everything else will fall into place. Love Yourself.



Erika <3

Erika KingComment